So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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