remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
