On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
