It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
