I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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