WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
