I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am available for nakedness
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
