Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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