i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
