I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
