I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
