Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize