just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
