I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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