y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
