I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
