We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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