Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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