i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
