Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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