smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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