I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
