I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
