I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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