Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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