awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
