watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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