pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
