Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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