Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
