why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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