he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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