I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
