Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
