in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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