xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
