if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
