I can't breathe out the right side of my face
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
