Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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