guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what day is it and did you see me today?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
