i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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