I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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