Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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