oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Rumble strips road head = magical
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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