Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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