I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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