I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
