but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
