Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
