Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
