Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
