On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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