I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Your tits are I can't wait for
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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