so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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