omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
