My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize