You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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