i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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