You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
