It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
