I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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