i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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