two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize