I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
