I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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