after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
