i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
