If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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