I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
