I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
