I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
