I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
