the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
