i already hear my dad disowning me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
