One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We had sex on a dog bed..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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