Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
