I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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