Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
