Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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