She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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