her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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