You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
