i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
