HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
