he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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