Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
