somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
